Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Please Take Back Your ‘Special’

For those of you who are parents, I ask you to follow along with a thought exercise. Think of the time when you registered your child for Kindergarten (or imagine doing so if they are still little). Think about the feeling of finding out who their teacher would be and who their classmates would be. Remember how it felt to prepare them for the first day of school; purchasing a backpack or lunch box, finding all of the supplies, and planning how they would be transported to school. You possibly imagined the scene of your child walking into their Kindergarten classroom for the first time and finding their name on a cubby or assigned to a desk. And they would be surrounded by other kids experiencing the same thing. I’m sure many of you worried about certain things, but mostly I believe you were excited for them to accomplish this milestone; this rite of passage from preschooler to Big Kid.


Now imagine someone telling you that your child was not allowed to have this experience. They tell you that your child cannot go to that classroom on that first day of Kindergarten. They don’t tell you this to be mean - oh no - this denial of a basic childhood rite of passage is “for their own good.” It is “what is best.” Your child needs to be in a separate classroom. Your child is different. Your child is special. Your child does not belong with the other children.


I’ve been doing a thought exercise of my own lately. What would happen if I just registered my daughter in our new school district as a typical kid, and didn’t mention a thing about Down syndrome, IEPs, or Special Education? What if she showed up on the first day of school in a typical classroom? Honestly, I imagine that all hell would break loose. They would take one look at her, label her, and freak out. Because she would NOT belong there.


I am tired of thinking about this. I’m tired of society and biases and prejudice and all of the damned “good intentions” that really only add up to segregation. And I’m especially exhausted by all of the people who will judge me as being melodramatic. Because I truly believe school inclusion for my daughter is a civil rights issue.


Discrimination against people with disabilities is so ingrained in all of us (even myself) that we can, at times, think of them as second-class citizens. The best of us will want to help them, but will also pity them. And in the worst minds, they are thought of as burdens to society or even, less than human. Why are medical companies producing multiple prenatal screening tests to detect Down syndrome and other genetic abnormalities? They don’t make money on products that society doesn’t have a need for, and they are making plenty of money on prenatal screening.


Back to the issue at hand...I don’t want to give the impression that I am in denial of my daughter’s ability to perform in a classroom setting with typical children. I know that she won’t be raising her hand to answer every question. I know that her speech pattern will be difficult for most people to understand when they first meet her. I know that she will always need extra tutoring and might not ever catch up to the intellectual level of her classmates. But I also know that she will learn faster - and be a happier person - if she is experiencing school alongside typical kids. I know that she will have friends. I know that she will be proud of herself for the grades that she tries her hardest to earn. I know that if she is segregated into a Special Education classroom with the opportunity to visit a typical classroom at select times, that she is NOT a real member of that class. She is a visitor. She is an outsider. I know that a lot of parents of typical children take for granted the access they have to public education. I have to fight for access for my daughter. And I might not win.


So please: take back your ‘special’ labels. Reevaluate your good intentions. Think about a child being denied a full-time place in a Kindergarten classroom before they are ever given a chance.

17 comments:

  1. Beautifully said! Best to you and your daughter!

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  2. Exactly! Beautifully worded. Had to share this with all teacher friends. We do have to fight for every last thing that others just have automatically

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  3. Exactly! Beautifully worded. Had to share this with all teacher friends. We do have to fight for every last thing that others just have automatically

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  4. Thank you! So articulately described! Our family understands this struggle all to well.

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  5. I'm kind of at the same place. My son is in a special education classroom and does "specials" with a typical class, but is an outsider, he doesn't belong in that class. But the special education teacher sends home behavior reports everyday which is making me dread parent-teacher conferences where she might tell me "he doesn't belong in my class" either. Part of me wants to buck the whole system and just homeschool him--but don't they win at that point? I'm tired of friends telling me that a general Ed teacher is not equipped to "handle" my son and have a special Ed teacher with the same problem, because he refused to hang up his coat (I'm not joking, the "behavior issues" are really non-issues and I wish they would focus on his speech delay rather than if he didn't want to hang up his jacket). Anyway, I'm caught between having him in a place where he can thrive because the curriculum isn't over his head and pushing the bar to make a statement.

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  6. And it doesn't get any easier as they get older. The academic gap widens and if your child had been included in earlier years they now want to segregate rather than just teaching appropriately to the child's level. It's really not that hard. We don't expect teachers to 'fix' our kids, just give them a chance to be a regular kid and do the best they can.

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  7. And it doesn't get any easier as they get older. The academic gap widens and if your child had been included in earlier years they now want to segregate rather than just teaching appropriately to the child's level. It's really not that hard. We don't expect teachers to 'fix' our kids, just give them a chance to be a regular kid and do the best they can.

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  8. And it doesn't get any easier as they get older. The academic gap widens and if your child had been included in earlier years they now want to segregate rather than just teaching appropriately to the child's level. It's really not that hard. We don't expect teachers to 'fix' our kids, just give them a chance to be a regular kid and do the best they can.

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  9. The law is very clear that a child should be educated in the least restrictive environment that confers educational benefit. If you feel that your daughter should be included more, you have the right to request that. The school district should consider it, and be able to provide data if they disagree. Yes, it will seem like a fight at first, but though schools are doing their best with what they have, sometimes they need a push. LRE is the law, and they should be willing to try things your way.

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    1. In theory, yes. In practice, we've met four times this school year alone. With the whole iep team. Including our psl and the bit and others from our county offices. And our lawyer. Each meeting has been two hours. At the last meeting we threatened due process and ferpa. And we finally got them to commit to just supporting our daughter appropriately. Needless to say, that just on paper. It's a process. It's worth it. But it's not easy or cheap.

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  10. Thank you for sharing and speaking up for a vast majority of us. I am tired of my son who is on a wheelchair being left out of our own neighborhood activities. Invited at the last minute. It's so hurtful. I am glad he doesn't understand this either. Because imagine if he could? How would that make him feel as a person? Because he is different and can't run and play like the regular kids. Shame on the parents for not talking to their kids about disability. We are all children of God.

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  11. Thank you so much for writing this. I don't think you're melodramatic, and I think Gwyeth is so blessed to have you for an advocate. At my daughter's school I've seen a girl with Down's Syndrome who is just in a regular classroom. I don't know what her specific challenges are, but she was smiling and playing with her classmates. I don't know if that is typical at my daughter's school or if her parents had to fight for it, but I think it is definitely a vision worth fighting for! I did some training at BYU for the students with disabilities service club, and it seems like everyone needs increased awareness for how to accommodate a person with disabilities and how to treat him or her like an actual person. Did you post this to Facebook? You should get these thoughts out to as broad an audience as you can.

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    1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQP8vX0rJ8U I don't know whether you would relate to this scene in one of my favorite movies, Mr. Holland's Opus, but it reminded me of your dilemma. Just wanting what is best for you child and feeling like the world is standing in your way.

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  13. Megan,

    I feel like I contacted you about republishing this on Think Inclusive but now I can't find our correspondence... Did I imagine that? :)

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    1. Yes! We talked through Twitter :) I could message you my email address. I would be honored to have it republished!

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  14. Megan:

    I saw your post in think inclusive and I love it. Our daughters are the same age (Stella was born in April 2008). We are currently fighting with our neighborhood school to have them practice true inclusion and to support Stella appropriately so she can succeed. So, your post really spoke to me. Thank you for writing it. Is love to be in touch as we navigate for our girls!

    Megan (too!)

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